happilyeverbeginning | toss a coin to your witcher (dumb duck trio)

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toss a coin to your witcher (dumb duck trio)

"She used her dark magics on my husband, and now he sees her shadow in the mirror every night!"
"He killed an entire farm-hands livestock, all for his own twisted amusement."
"They have a garden full of statues that were once children, now frozen in time forever..."

As Scrooge McDuck - world's richest duck, famed adventurer, and also expert monster hunter - continued his research into the "mages of the mountain", he found each new rumor was more outlandish than the last. Sure, there were a few things that were consistent - the two were twins, beautiful in their own way, and fiercely loyal to one another - but after that, each new round of gossip could make them sound like petulant children or gods themselves. Whatever troubles the villagers were having, be it bad weather or failing crops, it was surely the fault of the De Spell family.

And yes, perhaps the manor of the twins - lofted right into the side of the highest hill, with decaying greenery entwined all around the massive stone steps - was a little something out of a gothic horror novel. Dark colors, eerie structure, and maybe a cracked gargoyle or two. The cry of a raven could be found in the distance. But if these twins were as powerful as so whispered, why couldn't they afford to fix the twisted rafters from the windows, or cover the drafts from moldy holes? The land itself was probably pricey property, and many would pay handsomely for it... if some particular vermin was exterminated.

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"Because I don't like watching innocents die. You've done these people no wrong, and I can't just leave you two undefended. Aye, I know you're powerful sorcerers in your own right -- you've clearly got both the skill and the bloodline for it -- but there's potentially spiritual magic at work and that's a lot more sinister than most people expect. These people have been manipulated -- either through spiritual magic or preying on good old-fashioned greed -- into doing something's bidding. I don't know if the ultimate source is magical or just ignorant, but it's using these villagers as foot soldiers to eliminate your family. They'll use you defending yourselves as excuses to come at you harder, raising up their fallen comrades as martyrs to march against 'the evil De Spells'. And sooner or later you'll be overwhelmed.

"I want to end that cycle. Now."

Another matching look of surprises - likely no one had ever called them "innocent" before, and the concept was so bizarre they didn't really believe it. But there wasn't enough money in the manor to pay Scrooge for protection and that was as obvious as the beaks on their faces - so he couldn't be trying to squeeze a profit out of this. They looked so befuddled at his actual empathy and generosity that they almost had cartoony question marks buzzing around their heads.

"And how, exactly, do you plan on doing that?" Magica asked, while Poe took a very long sip of tea.

"Well, I'm going to need quite a bit of help from you two," Scrooge began, "because I doubt the villagers are going to enjoy having me around for much longer.

"Speaking of them..."

He reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet, counting out a thick stack of bills before holding them out to the duo.

"The total fee came out to five thousand euros. For the supplies, here's fifty percent: twenty-five hundred. As much as I hated using the oil on the poor girl, it was far more effective than most people I've gotten that sort of thing from."

Out of five shots, his last two bullets had passed through nothing but air. He'd expected to need to reload or at least dodge.

"As for what I need moving forward, I need supplies and space to take steps to determine what exactly is brewing around here. Potentially a place to sleep since I doubt I'll be welcome at that hotel much longer." He glanced about at the house. "As tactless as this sounds, I need to know if you have electricity. I know you magic folk don't typically need to worry about that sort of thing, but I need to stay in touch with my people for further support. I can bring in further equipment to handle the power and connection needs, but I don't want to damage your home more than absolutely necessary.

"Would you be willing to open your home up to me for three thousand euros a night? I'm not sure how long this will take, so that should cover space for working and sleeping along with any and all repair work for any basic damage I might cause over the course of this. If need be, we can negotiate for the magical supplies and further damage repair on a case-by-case basis."

As he'd been walking up the mountain, the damage to the building had occurred to him as a potential problem. Some of what he planned to do was spiritual magic, specifically calling on wandering spirits for information even his incredibly-gifted research team lacked access to. He didn't do seances very often because of how much attention it brought him, but the wandering dead could be helpful in seeing things even scrying spells missed. Things just sometimes got very, very messy when a spirit that showed up was in a foul mood to begin with.

He'd called Italian HQ and had gotten a ballpark quote for how much it would cost to fully renovate the manor based on his best estimates of what would need to be done. Once the matter was settled, the De Spells would need their home fixed to settle back into their ancient role should they be willing to let bygones be bygones. If they decided to leave (not that he'd blame them if they decided to walk away with all four middle fingers to the villagers at this point), he'd buy the manor from them and try to find someone else to step up as guardian moving forward. This was not going to happen again if he had anything to say about it.

Being a monster hunter in full control of a global, multibillion-dollar business had its perks even if it did leave him little in the way of free time. Still, a man his age needed to keep busy to stay sharp.

The surprise at the innocent remark was nothing compared to the stunned shock of those numbers. Magica's jaw dropped, and Poe silently picked it back up as Scrooge continued to explain. Now both of them were sitting, and it was a good thing, as their legs might have given out otherwise.

This time, there was no "twin telepathy."

"WE'LL TAKE IT!" Magica suddenly shouted, causing Poe to flail and try to cover her mouth.

"What my sister means to say is, obviously, we'll have to to think about-"

"THINK ABOUT WHAT?! That's more money than either of us have ever seen in our lives!"

"Magica, not in front of the-"

"I don't care if he wants me to dress up as his maid and service him six ways to Sunday! I can finally afford to wear something new! And aren't you always whining about the repairs needed in the manor?"

The twins continued to shout over each other, acting like young children instead of the supposedly super powerful immortal sorcerers the village kept imagining them as. It was getting to a point where Magica had Poe in a headlock, although he could have broken free if he wanted to but he didn't want to hurt his sister.

Scrooge was likely getting flashbacks to arguments with his own siblings.

Scrooge bit the inside of his cheek to keep a straight face as the twins tusseled. He glanced over towards Ratface for the familiar's reaction.

"...Not exactly the response I was expecting," he told the bird with a casual shrug.

Ratface had a wing over his face, embarrassed to be seen with them for the moment. "No comment."

The wrestling match ended when Magica had Poe on the floor, her high heel jabbing him in the spine. She calmly put her hands together while she wore a sweet smile. "As I was saying... we'll take the offer. The sooner we can get started on all this, the better."

"Guest room... is upstairs..." Poe groaned in pain, knowing when he'd been defeated.

"Wonderful!" Scrooge smiled. "I can go collect my things from the hotel and be up here with a few of my people by midafternoon to start an assessment on what's needed so basic work can start as early as tomorrow morning. They and any subcontractors needed will all be from outside of the village. Them being all my people will also ensure that the work gets done without sabotage."

Because even those who didn't have direct connections to Scrooge through the Bin knew better than to attempt such a betrayal. Scrooge could be a stingy miser but he made sure that the loyal and hardworking were treated well...and anyone else usually ended up desperately wishing they'd heeded the warnings not to try and screw him over.

"I hope you'll be on hand to help identify anything that shouldn't be touched under any circumstances. I'd rather not end up with any sort of mishaps on top of all this nonsense." He paused. "I understand that there might be new equipment you're in need of to keep up with what I need to get things done, so it'll be fully paid for by me." He grinned at the duo. "Once you've got a shopping list, I'd like to look it over before putting in the order."

Magica was slightly hesitant to let even more people into the manor, but the reminder of the payment put the dollar signs - er, euro signs - right back in her eyes. "Oh, we'll have a list, all right! Just don't be surprised when it's miles long!" She gleefully began to skip to Poe's potion room, wanting to get a head-start.

Poe began to stagger to his feet. "Might want to be a chiropractor on that list..." He grumbled, rubbing his sore back.

Scrooge chuckled. "Ah, lad, I don't think I can cover injury caused by family! Though if it helps, I know some marvelous chiropractors for sister-related back problems. They work wonders on these old bones."

Poe straightened his clothes out before turning to look at Scrooge more seriously. "My sister is desperate for the things she does deserve... But never forget you are a guest in this manor. It is not your place, and it is not your home. If this venture, for whatever reason, puts my sister in danger, I'll not only send you packing, but make sure whoever is waiting for you back home barely has enough to bury."

Even though Scrooge had done a lot for them by this point, he was still an outsider. A life of cruelty with the villagers had taught Poe well that anyone could stab you in the back, no matter how long they had smiled at you before.

Scrooge gave a respectful bow.

"This is your home, not mine. You need only say the word for any reason, and I'll have any work in motion immediately stopped at the next safest point, pay you the day's amount, and be on my way. You have my word."

And the word of Scrooge McDuck was better than any amount of precious metals or gems. Scrooge might have a credit card (as much as he despised the damn thing), but he honestly didn't need it. Everyone knew he made sure to pay his debts in full with receipts to the point where he only needed to say he'd pay someone back to get what he needed, no collateral asked for.

"And while we're on the subject of payment, I assume you want my 'rent' in physical cash? Or do you have a bank I can wire the amount to?"

Edited 2022-02-11 20:39 (UTC)

For some reason, the continued respect and niceties just pissed him off further. Maybe because he knew when the inevitable betrayal came, it would hurt them all the more.

The word of Scrooge McDuck meant nothing to someone who had no idea who that was.

Poe snorted. "You think anyone in that flea-infested hole would work with us even just for greed? Physical cash. Always."

Scrooge was actually impressed by Poe's response. Well, well! Not many people would say such things to the richest duck in the world!

"Physical cash it is. I'll add a stop by the bank to get the next few days' worth of rent ready." He tipped his hat to Poe. "I'll see you this afternoon then."

And with that, he left, picking up his bag and revolver on the way in. It took him some time to walk down to a point where he had cellular signal again, and he immediately began making calls. The general organizing his loyal army.

Edited 2022-02-11 20:50 (UTC)

Poe frowned as he watched Scrooge go. Clearly this was a rich man, but how rich was not something Poe would have guessed. With a sigh, he went to join his sister and make sure the list was more reasonable than desirable. Tempting as it would be to take advantage of Scrooge's supposed generosity, one wrong move could break things apart sooner rather than later. If they could at least have him keep his word until the manor was more... livable, to put it lightly, then they'd be satisfied.

Also, make sure to put away any family heirlooms locked away with magic. If they didn't trust Scrooge, they especially didn't trust random strangers coming into their home. No need to tempt any would-be thieves.

Scrooge returned that afternoon in a van with a quiet-run generator, a miniature cell tower, an engineer, and five very excited renovators.

This wasn't the full team, of course. These people were to do the assessments, to figure out where potential trouble spots were such as wood rot or mold. The engineer had a special assignment: setting up a means of harnessing the geothermal energy of the volcano to supply steady power to the manor to get around having to rely on anything the villagers might be able to cut off. The man was also tasked with coming up with ideas to do the same for water. That would remain even after he'd gone so the De Spells could have access to amenities without having to pull from their magical resources.

If things worked out, the people down below might snap back to their senses, but Scrooge wasn't betting on it.

He left his bags and revolver in the van this time, relieved that it was something he could lock instead of worrying that he'd step outside and find everything gone.

"Well, everyone? First assessments?" Scrooge asked.

One sparkly-eyed young assessor -- one of the seniors' apprentice -- looked to him. "It's beautiful!"

Scrooge chuckled. "Well, lad, with a little elbow grease, we'll polish her to be the envy of Italy." He approached the front door and knocked.

Ratface, again, was standing guard on the roof. He grumbled about the number of people, but flitted into the house without any wise-cracks or warnings.

The door opened, and inside, the twins were standing at the ready, with several stacks of papers in their arms - the "list" they'd complied. They were doing their best to put on a cold, calm air of indifference in order to retain their dignity and status - but it was clear from how far away they were standing, and how close they were to one another, how nervous they were about this many people in their house. Since they tended to avoid the village as much as possible, it was likely they weren't used to "crowds" in general.

"Is this everyone?" Magica asked.

"These people are here to do a basic assessment of things. The full crew is going to be much larger," Scrooge explained. "I wanted as many people on top of this as I could to get things done as swiftly as possible. That way you don't have to put up with people trampling all over your home for weeks on end."

Scrooge turned to his team.

"Everyone, these are Mr. Poe De Spell and Miss Magica De Spell. That there..." He pointed in the direction of the familiar. "...is their familiar Ratface. All three of them? You treat their word as gospel. They tell you to not go somewhere or not touch something, you obey immediately. If there is a reason that you need to go into one of those places, it needs to be discussed to ensure that both sides understand the situation and things can move smoothly forward. We want this place to be in the best shape it's been since it was built if not better, but we are ultimately guests here. There is zero tolerance for disrespect. Always mind your manners. Is that clear?"

"Yes, sir!" Scrooge's forward troops answered.

"Good. Giancarlo, you have some idea of where you want to set up your generator and get started on those ground assessments?"

"I'll need to walk the perimeter first to pick out some spots."

"Very well." He looked towards the De Spells. "Will him wandering around outside be all right or would you be more comfortable having someone keeping an eye on him?"

Edited 2022-02-11 21:39 (UTC)

The full crew was going to be larger? Even though Magica badly wanted the money, the idea of the house full of strangers made her stomach churn. Still, she swallowed through it, and snapped her fingers. "Ratface, watch and report him."

"Yes, mistress." Ratface nodded, moving to perch closer to the small crowd.

Poe used a free hand to snap his fingers as well - some of the doors in the manor were carved with symbols, and now those symbols began to glow in different colors.

"Colorless doors mean you can come and go as you please. Green doors mean you may enter but only after asking our permission first. Yellow doors mean you cannot enter without one of us present. And red doors you do not enter under any circumstances whatsoever. You touch the doorknob of those and you'll suffer for it."

Giancarlo started a bit at the raven talking but he gave an awkward grin. Working for Scrooge McDuck meant you met some interesting people.

"Oh goddammit," one of the renovators muttered.

Scrooge whipped his head towards him, making the man jump. "Problem?"

"Not with the rules, sir. I just..." The mallard rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed. "I'm red-green colorblind."

"Got it handled!" the apprentice eagerly chirped. "I'll stick with you so you don't go for the wrong door."

"Thanks."

Scrooge relaxed. "Any other issues? No? Good. Off you get."

And like a pack of hounds released to start sniffing out prey, the renovators entered, each taking the time to make sure they wiped their feet so they didn't track in anything.

The twins mutually grumbled - couldn't these cronies at least pretend their were intimated? The Spells were supposed to be superior! At least a little whispering or shaking would do!

Poe let out a heavy sigh, hoping their ancestors wouldn't be angry at all these invaders, while Magica headed towards Scrooge with the first stack of papers. "Here's an itemized list of what we'll need going forward. It's numbered by most important to least." And it was reasonable, for the most part. On the 'least important' side is where things got a bit silly, at least as far as the twins agreed on.

Sure, they'd like new wardrobes and shoes and such, but they weren't dying without them.

Scrooge very carefully looked over the list, brow furrowing as he softly muttered numbers under his breath like financial incantations. This was actually surprisingly reasonable all things considered. However...

"Some of these items aren't available anymore. I'll need to arrange for them to be specially-made if they can't be swapped with more modern equivalents." He glanced at Poe. "I could ask one of my people to bring over some burners that run on electricity for you to test and see if they'd make suitable replacements for at least the time being while the new pieces are made."

Their uneasy faces went back to befuddlement - modern equivalents? How were these not modern? Given how rarely they stepped outside the manor, or even the village, it was very likely the twins were very behind when it came to most technology.

Poe didn't want to admit he was intrigued by such a concept. Magica's forte was creativity, while his was learning. Still, couldn't let that happiness show! "If you must, then by all means."

"I'll get that for you then."

Things were going just swimmingly!

His eyes finally fell to the bottom of the list. He gave a thoughtful frown.

"I don't know much about fashion," he admitted. "But I can call in a designer to discuss your needs with you. Not just for the appearance but also what materials would work best living on the side of a volcano. I don't imagine regular contact with sulfur does good things to clothing."

... If he didn't know much about fashion, then how did the know that?! It was like every sentence out of his mouth came with a surprise!

Magica "broke character", sighing with clear relief. "Oh, thank the gods, I've been wearing mother's hand-me-downs for too long."

Poe nudged her, trying to make her get back to Serious Spell mode. "You don't have an argument against anything? You'll actually do it all?"

"I gave you my word, didn't I? Besides, this isn't in the least bit unreasonable." He raised a brow. "Why? Was there more you cut from the list?"

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...One more tag before errands.