happilyeverbeginning | [Della & Darkwing] the dating disaster duo

[He just gives a polite smile at the fallen chair and nods along. Sounds like LP's got some competition... No wonder he has time to hang out in Saint Canard!

But then Della's words bring him back to the point of all this! He clasps his hands together.]

Oh you bet. It's very big. Beyond my wildest dreams! That's why I need LP. He's the only person who can help me through this. I need to learn from his experiences!

[ On the one hand, Della does want to kick out this kook from her plane. On the other hand, her ego just cannot handle that "insult". ]

His experiences? Dude, I've been taking down baddies and saving civilizations while he was still crashing tricycles! There's no way he can be better at me at... anything.

So, share the goods, what is it? Some mad scientist turned into a messed up mutant? Or a rouge roundabout of robbers?

Wh-what? No, none of those things! [He waves his hands around in frantic dismissal.] It's... trust me, you've got nothing on him when it comes to this. The thing is, it... It's...

[He trails off, unsure how to word it!]

[ Oh now she is SUPER insulted. Spite is going to make her solve this problem! ]

Nothing on him?! All right, buddy, you sit right here... or, well, on the non-broken seat...and tell me exactly what's going on, and I guarantee you I can solve this problem, no sweat! Now sit your tailfeathers DOWN and start talking!

[Whoops. Spurred on by that, Drake just sits himself down on the floor and dramatically cries out!]

I'm in love!!

[ All of Della's anger fizzles out like a pathetic firecracker. ]

... What was that?

Love! Love is what it is. Being in it!

[He clears his throat.]

That's right. The one and only flapping sinner of the night, is on the precipice of a relationship like no other! [He rubs at his neck sheepishly.] I'm, uh, kinda starting something with this really great rock star, verybrieflyavillain, it - it's great! I think we're off to a great start, but I need my trusty sidekick to make sure I'm doing this right!

... Uh.

[ See, Della, this is why Scrooge keeps encouraging you to look before you leap. It's not as Della as no experience in the dating world, buuut she was all alone for ten years...

But she can't admit defeat! Della doesn't know the meaning of the word! So, shovel in hand, she's gunna dig that grave deeper!

She clears her throat, trying to pretend she wasn't panicking at being in over her head.]

I mean, um, congrats, I guess? To you and... did you just say she was a villain?

[He points a finger defensively!]

Hey now, she is a saintess! [A beat.] Or, well, I mean, she was one. Briefly. Very briefly! She was more of an anti-villain really? Practically a hero already! But the point is, I won her over with the power of love!

[ Yep, regretting this already. He's gunna make this a whole ordeal.

She heads to her cooler to grab herself some Pep, wishing she'd brought some of Beakly's "special juice" instead. ]

Sooo... she's a rock-star former anti-sorta-villainess that you managed to turn over to the light by sheer virtue of being you.

[ Press X to doubt, big time. ... No, no, she said she was gunna help! Force the sarcasm down! Pretend its one of the kids asking for help!

She shakes her head, trying to focus. ]

And by that I mean... it sounds like you've got one huge story there!

[Darkwing nods along eagerly at her summary! Sure, she didn't capture how beautiful and captivating she is, but other than that, Della had a pretty good one sentence summary?

He then leans forward excitedly, the moment Della shows interest in the story.]

Oh do I! Where do I begin? It was a dark and stormy but also romantic night... [A very long-winded and purple prose-y description of the whole incident now begins, with a few embellishments here and there such as Darkwing Duck always taking down at least ten guys in every scene.]

[ ... How is it that Della wasn't even there and yet she's fairly certain half of that stuff either didn't happen, or was wildly exaggerated? Della downs the entire can of Pep during this weird story, but she has to admit the parts that sounded somewhat accurate were somewhat interesting.

She grabs another can, opting to go for a Diet Pep to balance out all that sugary nonsense Darkwing is spewing. ]

... Aside from the fact that it sounds like St. Canard has a huge population problem, I'll admit that does seem like a pretty decent romantic flick. Femme fatale meets caped crusader, tragic origin story, a classic "We can rule together" scene, redemption via third party showing she had a heart of gold all along...

... So what is it you were so worried about? Because frankly, it's starting to sound like bragging.

Exactly! If there was a film crew there, this would have been an instant classic episode! ...Although it also would have provided evidence that could have sent Morgana to jail, so uh... maybe for the best.

[A nervous chuckle.]

Does it sound like bragging? I mean, I'm just telling it like it is! [Slightly.] But that's the thing! Things have been going so good so far that I don't want to mess it up! And it's not like I have a lot of relationship experience either. The Darkwing Duck show doesn't even have romance episodes for me to study because Jim Starling was very committed to the whole 'lone wolf Darkwing' archetype. So, I want to make sure this goes right!

You know, you don't have to base your entire life around a cancelled TV show.

[ Mun pauses as she types, then shakes her head and keeps going. As for Della, something about "Morgana And The Ghoulies" sounds familiar - she thinks one of Webby's friends mentioned it before... Lena? So as Della talks, she takes out her phone, looking it up. ]

You're just thinking way too hard about this. You've already got down all the hard stuff, she likes you, so you just have to take it easy. I mean, you're putting her on a pretty huge pedestal already! Sure, she's a rock-star, but celebrities are just like you and me.

[ Oh, here it is - Lena snuck into one of their concerts once. There's even shaky phone-cam footage. ]

You're just in the rosy, first stages of the relationship, so she seems way more amazing than she probably is.

[ Della takes a drink of Pep as the camera manages to zoom in on the lead singer - ]

[ SWEET CANNOLI WITH RAVIOLI ON TOP OF MACARONI!

Della promptly does a pretty huge, almost entire can's worth of a spit take right in Darkwing's face. Looks at him. Looks at the video. Him. Video. Him. Video.

She then turns the phone around and thrusts it at him in angry disbelief. ]

THIS?! YOU?! YOU ARE DATING THIS?!

Of course I'm not basing my life around it, it's more like I'm using it as a series bible...

[Darkwing then listens patiently to Della as she starts speaking. Sure, she doesn't seem to understand just how beyond belief Morgana's awesome beauty is, but maybe she does have a point about -

- oh. Now there's a stream of soda being jetted into his face. He pauses for a moment, before he uses his fingers as windshield wipers to clear his eyes. And he nods vigorously at the image presented to him!]

I know, right?! But you know, she is just a human being like you and me. I get it!

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! SHE'S WAY OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE! SHE'S OUT OF MY LEAGUE! SHE'S IN A LEAGUE OF HER OWN!

[ What in the world happened in the dating pool these last ten years?!

... Wait, she's supposed to be helping him. She wipes any remaining soda off her mouth with her sleeve, trying to think of a good recovery. ]

... Is what... someone who is... not understanding of your relationship might say. And you might get a lot of that. Really get a lot of that. But, uh, yeah! Like I was saying! If you keep on acting like she's some perfect goddess, that's gunna make her totally afraid of disappointing you and making any mistakes.

[Della's shouting what he's thinking! Still, he tries to listen to her advice. A little bit.]

Now that's silly! Morgana can do no wrong. ...Aside from the wrongs she already committed that she's atoning for. That's all water under the bridge! Also, your words really have me thinking... What if I disappoint her and make any mistakes?? I have to prevent that at any costs!

[ Must... not... roll... eyes! ]

Dude. Breathe.

Of course you're going to make mistakes - everyone does! Including Morgana! You two are going to make mistakes, disappoint each other, even fight eventually! Because that is what people do! No one and nothing is perfect. And if you keep holding yourselves both up to impossible standards, you're going to crash and burn way harder than LP does with any vehicle.

[ How can she put it in a way he understands? Hmmm. ]

... When you did your big weirdo entrance earlier, you mentioned a boom mic in an episode of your nerd show, right? That is, technically, a mistake. But it didn't stop you from enjoying it, right?

[Morgana? Make mistakes? Drake seems puzzled by the idea, as if trying to fit a square peg through a circle in his mind. And yet, her words sound so stirring about it!

Darkwing frowns and strokes his beak as Della makes her point.]

Well no, of course not. I loved it! It brought me joy to spot it. I felt so smart, and... well, I guess it reminded me that the show was a production. One that could even be made by people like you and me! [He smiles and nods sagely.]

So what you're getting at is that Morgana does make mistakes. ...And... I should record them on a wiki...? [A wire may have been crossed somewhere.]

[ He was so close, dang it! Della pinches the bridge of her beak, grumbling. ]

Please do not make a wiki about your girlfriend, that just sounds creepy.

[ Siiigh. All right, different angle. She grabs a seat and hunkers down. ]

Let me put it a different way... when I first got home, my kid Dewey thought I could do no wrong, despite the fact I'd pretty clearly done a big wrong when I took the rocket. But because he idolized me so much, he kept putting himself in danger to "prove" himself to me, even though I love him no matter what. Once I realized what he was doing, I felt like an awful mom. I managed to get it through to him that he never needed to prove himself, but only after he risked his life way too much.

Webby's friend Lena went through something similar too, and she was also a sorta-not-villain! She tried so hard to prove she was "good" that wouldn't tell her friends when she did actually have a problem, and that almost got her taken by Magica De Spell!

You don't want Morgana to be under constant pressure or to hide her problems from you, do you? And I'm sure she feels the same way about you.

[He was so sure he got what she was getting at! In any case, Darkwing settles in and tries to listen as she goes on.]

Well... No, I don't want any of those things at all! It's already hard enough for her to be making a change like this to leaving behind her band and joining the side of good. I don't want to pressure her or anything? And I hope that I can find out about any problems she has, so that I can take care of them for her!

[ It's always to the extremes with him, isn't it? Being him sounds exhausting. ]

You don't have to go that far either... you can, y'know, solve her problems together with her? If she really wants to be on "the side of good", she has to work just as hard as you do at it.

[ Though she doubts Morgana's as dramatic and hammy as DW is. ~~And she is WRONG.~~ ]

... Look, I can't believe I have to give you of all people a confidence booster, but... hm. What I'm about to tell you can't leave this plane - mostly because my uncle will deny a lot of it.

The person I respect most in this world is my uncle, Scrooge McDuck. You know, world's richest duck, great adventurer, treasure hunter, yadda yadda yadda. But there's one thing he's never, ever been able to do. He has this on-again, off-again girlfriend, Goldie O'Gilt. She's a con-woman, thief, trickster, and sort-of-villain herself. They've been sort-of-together since before the Gold Rush of Yukon.

For all of my uncle's efforts, he's never been able to make her fully turn over a new leaf. Every time he thinks he's made an effect on her, he finds out later how she swindled him behind his back or stole the treasure when he wasn't looking. It's been like this for a hundred years now... Kind of. I think. Timeline's messy. They may be immortal. And it doesn't look like things'll change.

But you? You knew this chick for, what, less than two weeks? And just like that, you got her to become a good person! Who knows how long she was stealing and dealing? [ She flips over the phone again, hitting play on the video as Morgana - pre-Redemption-Arc, judging by the fact she's with the monster band - belts out her tunes. ] I'm pretty sure she's singing about how fun it is being evil! And then you come along, boom, she's good! For real good! You did that.

And if you can do that... well, maybe a legit relationship shouldn't be so hard.

Wow. You really have a story for everything! You know, I'll also allow you to tell my story to anyone who needs help rising from being an underdog to being the greatest hero in the world. You won't even have to pay royalties! I meam, unless you want to, then we can negotiate a fee...!

[He trails off for a moment, likely getting a very subtle indication that he should get back on topic. Drake clears his throat.]

Anyway! You... You make a good point. Not sure if I wanted many details about your uncle's love life, but taking on our problems together? It's a radical idea, but it seems sweet. And efficient, and romantic! Kinda like fighting crime together, right? You should have led with that!

[ "You should have led with that"?! Now he's criticizing her help?! SHE'S HAD ALL SHE CAN STANDS, AND SHE CAN STANDS NO MORE. ]

OH, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! I have no idea what I'm doing, I'm making it up as I go along! I haven't been on a date in over ten years!

Wow, now that's a dry spell!

...I mean, of course! I was just, just giving you some notes! Some friendly notes. I know I shouldn't expect you to be as on top of things as LP would be!

I. WAS. ON. THE. MOON.

[ She crushes the empty Pep can in her hand, and given that DW is (not actually) insinuating she's a dateless loner loser compared to him, she'd reeeally like to do the same thing to him. ]

Are you helped now?! Do you feel better?! DO YOU?!

[He immediately shrinks back into the nearest wall.]

Oh right you're the moon girl...!

Yes! Yes!! Th-thank you for the help it was very helpful please let me live?!

Good. I'm happy for you.

[ She gets up, calmly depositing the empty pep can into a trash bin, heads to the shuttle door, and slides it open. ]

Now, go out there, with newfound confidence in your relationship, treat Morgana as an equal, and NEVER TALK TO ME ABOUT THIS AGAIN.

[ Because she is teetering on the edge of admitting she is jealous of Darkwing Duck and doing that will molt her early. ]

...Yes ma'am.

[He just very slowly nods. It's definitely one way to motivate him, with sheer terror! He slinks towards the nearest exit, but then he pauses before he thinks of something.]

Oh! Uh... For your troubles...?

[He slowly pulls something out from his coat and holds it out to her - it's an autographed headshot of Darkwing Duck, with a generic message thanking the recepient for being a true believer!]

...

[ The violent imagery in Della's mind is in fact so graphic it's not fit for the viewing public. Trembling with sheer rage, Della takes it with two fingers as if she was picking up a used tissue. It might have its uses - target practice, for example.

But, no. She won't hit him, kick him, or even shove him out. Being the petty, petty, petty duck she is, Della waits until he's outside of her plane to stick her head out and shout - ]

GIZMODUCK'S FEMME FATALE ARC WAS WAY MORE ROMANTIC!

[ Before closing the door on him.

She's going to take that as a win. ]

[He throws himself out the door and onto the ground, relishing the fresh air and sunlight that greets him. The taste of freedom! He feels so alive right now and so glad to be so! And more grateful than ever for Morgana and ready to make this thing work even better!

He picks himself off, walking with a spring in his step, and - then he hears Della's shouted words. He pauses for a moment. Blinks. And raises a confused eyebrow.]

Oh that's a joke! That's a funny one there. Who would even ship themselves with someone as insufferable as Gizmoduck?

[...He doesn't know who Gizmoduck is, after all. So it must be some funny joke! He'll really have to thank Della. Maybe he'll see if Morgana can send her a signed headshot as well?]

[Della & Darkwing] the dating disaster duo

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