happilyeverbeginning | were you just being kind / or am i losing my mind (scrooge x magica)

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were you just being kind / or am i losing my mind (scrooge x magica)

Lord Scrooge had been gone for five years, and at last had returned to the fair country even richer than before. Many rumors were buzzing about what transpired overseas, and what prompted his return. No doubt it was because his nephew was at the right time to marry, and he definitely wanted his assets in good hands. A welcome part of sorts was thrown together, despite Scrooge detesting such affairs.

The ball was in full swing by the time Magica and her brother arrived, him jabbering away about nonsense she couldn't care about. Her mind was elsewhere - it felt like an eternity since she'd last seen Lord Scrooge, and she had hoped her burning feelings for him were gone. Yet here she was, dressed to the nines, her heart racing. Would she see him as the adult woman she was now - or still as a child? She could never hope to win his heart. The sooner she moved on, the better.

She told herself she could change her heart, and for a good moment, honestly believed it. There were many eligible bachelors here tonight, many good in coin as they were in manners. But her eyes scoured the room, and the moment she spotted Scrooge from a distance, her chest seized, and all those awful feelings rushed back more intense than ever.

All the confidence she had died instantly - she didn't feel like a woman anymore, but like the little girl she used to be when she first met him...

... Back when she was first learning to play the piano, and detested it. Her patience was growing thin, and she held back a grumble, glaring at the keys, as if it was their fault she played so badly.

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Magica continued to kiss his face, not realizing the words had been a dagger to his heart. But the sudden sob threw her off, and she drew back, confused. "Scrooge?" She didn't know him to be this sentimental, it was a little much. The next thing she knew - he was out of bed, and...

... What...?

She was so stunned that her mind didn't accept it as reality right away. Never come back...?

Her senses returned, and she stumbled out of bed. "Scrooge? Scrooge, what's wrong?!" She headed to the next room and met the door - she banged on it with both fists. "Scrooge! Darling, what are you saying?! Scrooge, talk to me, please!" She screamed, not caring about the pain in her body or the shakiness of her legs.

But no matter how hard she hit the door or how loudly she yelled, there was no answer. She'd been treated as nothing more than a common whore. She slowly slid down to her knees, sobbing. All the years of waiting, planning, longing... for nothing. She'd thrown herself at him, and he only saw her as a harlot.

Everything was ruined. She had nothing left.

Eventually, after a long time, she dragged herself back to the guest room to dress and leave. She didn't bother waiting for a carriage, and instead walked the long way back to her home. Her family was surprised at her early arrival - even more at her disheveled appearance.

They had a million questions for her, but she didn't answer a single one. She silently went to her room and wept.

It was unbearable to hear her shout. How he would have liked to have opened the door and taken her in his arms. But just the fact that she chased after him even though he had hurt her confirmed that she had given herself up completely for him.

He covered his ears and hoped when she had had time to think. Would she understand what had happened to her. She would despise him forever, but she would finally be free. Free to live her young life.

Only after hours, when he heard no more sound. He dared to unlock the room. Startled, he noticed a few drops of blood in front of the door where she had stood...

It was simply unforgivable what he had done.

Carefully he looked into the bedroom.
Magica was gone. He hated himself for the undertone of disappointment that echoed in him.

Forever he would love her, forever he would support her from the background if necessary. With money, with power, whatever she needed. But it was better for her if he never saw her again.

He couldn't manage to sleep in the bed he had laid with her in and dragged himself exhausted into an unused guest room.

He didn't turn a blind eye. Her scream and her pain distorted face haunted through his senses. But loudest were her words: "You can do anything you want to me."

Why had he never noticed that she was too fixated on him. And how could he have misunderstood her behavior as love if not even she herself was able to pronounce those words? At least, he thought to himself, that was how clear her mind had been. Which, as always, spoke for her strong personality. She would surely be able to forget him.

A mercy that would never be granted to him himself.

Days turned into weeks, which turned into a month. They hadn't seen each other, nor heard a word, as odd as it was to the outside world. If not for the intervention of one man, maybe it would have stayed that way.

Donald hesitated before approaching the mansion that day. His uncle had made it perfectly clear that he wasn't accepting visitors for a long time - something had upset him, and whatever it was happened to Magica too, so Fethry had told him. Fethry, naive as he was, couldn't guess, but Donald had an idea. Maybe Scrooge would listen to family... that aside, Donald did have some business with him.

He let himself inside, doing his best to ignore the worried looks of the servants all around. He headed right for his uncle's office and knocked once, "Uncle, it's Donald!" before letting himself inside, holding a letter between his fingers. "...We need to talk, right away. I just got an... unusual invitation, but I doubt you did. It's a matter of utmost urgency."

A long, lonely month. Scrooge was no longer who he once was. Just a shadow. Not being able to see Magica felt like he no longer had a beating heart in his chest.

But it was to her best. He kept telling himself that, just think of her. Not of you!

When Donald knocked on the door, Scrooge sighed. He knew he had neglected the outside world and what nobody really knew was that he loved his nephew. So he gathered up and called him in. "Just come in nephew." No news he could bring him would be worse than the loss of Magica.

Donald looked serious, that didn't suit him at all.

He politely stood up from his armchair by the fireplace, looking at Donald for a moment. Then he took a step towards him and, what was completely unnatural for him, embraced him briefly.

He was just so emotionally exhausted, hoping his only remaining family could help ease the pain a little. Donald wouldn't tell anyone he was showing weakness.

Donald was momentarily startled - while Scrooge wasn't a cruel man, it was rare of him to show such affection. Whatever happened to him must have been huge! He awkwardly returned the hug, lightly pushing his uncle back to show him the letter.

"Ah, well, it's... good to see you too, Uncle, but... I'm not sure if I bring good news or not."

He watched Scrooge's face to judge his reaction.

"... This morning, I received an invitation for the engagement party of Magica Bingpan and Flintheart Glomgold."

A faint smile had spread across his face as Donald shyly returned his embrace, realizing he was doing something impossible in his eyes. But every trace of life left his face when he heard what his nephew had to say.

Suddenly he grabbed Donald by the arms.

"Engagement party? With... Glomgold?"

Flintheart Glomgold was a business rival of him. But above all, he was a scheming, dangerous contemporary.
On his travels, he had been in contact with Glomgold countless times, he had even tried to have him murdered. But every one of his attempts had of course failed. Scrooge had always been superior to him.

Should this scoundrel now get the only thing that was really important to him?
"My Magica..." He marbled as if to himself. No! He had to stop thinking like that, she didn't belong to him. And if she really loved Glomgold...

He closed his eyes, the thought was simply unbearable to him. Besides, he was afraid for her, he knew Glomgold. He was even more interested in money than he was himself. He could be trusted to kill the bride to get her inheritance immediately. Without batting an eyelid...

That was the reaction he'd thought he'd get - My Magica? - so something really had happened between him and Magica!

"The party is in two nights, but for all of us, it came out of nowhere." Donald continued to explain. "Even Fethry's puzzled... it seems a few days ago, Flintheart requested to see Magica privately, and when they returned, she was wearing his ring. Her parents are thrilled, of course, to see their daughter marry into wealth..."

Donald then crossed his arms, glaring at Scrooge. "But I think you and I know she's not marrying for love. You plan on telling me what happened a month ago between you two? She completely fell apart after she left the mansion... Fethry told me that if it wasn't for him, she would've stopped eating entirely!"

He didn't like Magica, but he had his own reasons for it. Besides, he did love his Uncle, and wanted him to be happy. So what was the mystery? "What happened?"

It was clear that at some point Donald would start asking questions. But what did he hear?

"Magica is doing badly?..."

That hadn't been in his mind, he had hoped she would show her infinite strength and live happily ever after.

Could he tell his nephew what had happened? He was so ashamed of it.
"Donald..." He started at a loss. "I know that you don't think me the nicest person but... if I would tell you what I..."

The events of the fateful night came to his mind again. No, actually they had never left him.

"I have done something unforgivable..." He put his hand in front of his face in a gesture of despair.

"... No matter what, you're family." Donald said slowly, watching Scrooge. The old man had done a few unscrupulous things in his business, but nothing that was ever downright evil, especially compared to Flintheart. And no matter how bad it had been, Magica hadn't said a word about it, outright refused to.

"Nothing you can say or do will change that. But how am I supposed to understand you if you won't tell me what happened? Whatever it is, if you've done something that awful, you can't just let it sit there and rot. Nothing will ever change that way. It's like you told me when I was a child... if I've done something wrong, I must do all I can to make it right."

"... So what did you do?"

Pride moved in his heart as he heard Donald speak. He was happy that he was finally on his way to stand his ground. Yes, more than he was able to do himself at that moment. But his nephew was right, it was enough now. Apparently it didn't help Magica if he simply withdrew from her life. But first he needed help himself. He looked Donald straight in the eye.

"I love her..."

That was the only thing in his life that would never change.
"And I was so foolish enough to believe that she loved me too..."
He swallowed hard, not a moment would pass without this feeling tearing his heart apart.

"I... I got involved with her but... I hurt her, injured her. I mean, I caused her physical damage... Of course that was not my intention! Never could I..."
He looked to the side. His cheeks were glowing with shame: "I would rather kill myself than deliberately hurt her".

It didn't help to close one's eyes to the truth, so he looked at Donald firmly again. "But I hurt her and had to realize that she was ready to forgive me everything. So much she felt obliged to me... That was all what drove her into my arms. She never said that she loved me, and yet I believed it for a wonderful time... I am the greatest fool and sinner of all time..."

Donald's eyes widened. He knew about Magica's feelings for some time, as he and Fethry had teased her about it many times in their youth. But to think Scrooge felt the same way! It was definitely weird to think about it. He went quit for a moment, trying to think of the best thing to say in response.

... He decided, ultimately, to be blunt.

"Uncle Scrooge... know that I love you very much, and respect you even more... But you're an idiot."

Rarely did anyone insult Scrooge and get away with it, but he continued on, even as he felt like a dead man. "Magica's been in love with you since she was a little girl! Shoot, she'd go on and on about you for hours, and Fethry and I would make fun of her for it! The only reason she ever even pretended to tolerate me was so she could get closer to you!"

As for the other thing... he didn't want to imagine it! He really hoped Scrooge meant an accidental push or shove or... anything else, than that he was thinking! Ew. "She's an obnoxious, haughty, proud, outspoken woman. She never feels obliged to anyone for anything! Did you even talk to her about that? Did you ask her how she felt about you?"

For a moment, he looked at his nephew in amazement. But then a tiny little smile appeared on his face. "You're right, I'm an idiot." He returned drily.

"However... the situation was somewhat... compromising..." He just didn't know what to do. With whom should he talk about it if not with Donald? He had no friends, at least not such friends. But as long as his nephew still thought Magica could love him... He took a deep breath. Embarrassed he scratched his neck.

"I... I slept with her..."

His cheeks turned glowing red as he remembered this wonderful moment. Until...

"But... she screamed and..." He had to swallow, the memory still hurt him. "Donald... she even bled... but although I caused her such pain, she didn't want to stop and even I..." For this part he was especially ashamed.

"...I didn't want to stop either, despite everything, this feeling was so overwhelming that I... I fled so that she would be safe from me..."

He let his head hang. Spoken out loud everything sounded even worse in his ears.

... Oh. Boy.

Donald's entire face reddened, and he turned away. This was it?! That was the reason?! Scrooge, the renowned business leader and explorer... didn't know about one of the most basic functions of the body? And Donald had to tell him?! This was so many levels of embarrassing... Why did he have to be the one?

He stammered, really not wanting to talk about it, fidgeting. "... Um... well... Uncle... I know you're not exactly... savvy, when it comes to women... But..."

He glanced at the doorway, hoping no one else was listening in. He'd die of humiliation if anyone saw this conversation!

"... Virgins are supposed to bleed. That's what happens the first time, you... you know..." He waved with his hand, not wanting to go into exact details. "I can't believe I have to say this, but... when women... get that way... it's supposed to hurt AND feel good at the same time... Now please let us never, ever, ever discuss this again!"

He stared at his nephew as if he grew a second head.
"Do you think it's right to pull my leg in this situation?"

He was really angry, he absolutely couldn't understand it.
"If it was known that it would hurt the lady, how could a man with a clear mind who loves her ever do something like that?"

It was true, his knowledge of this act was completely limited to making the bodies one.

That he had kissed and touched her the way he had, had been pure instinct, curious about her body. But had he known beforehand that the actual act would hurt her... No, he couldn't imagine being able to do that.

"Do you understand what I am saying? She's not a toy for me or a random whore. I love her more than my own life. And as good as it feels to be in her when it's not the same for her..."

He fell into silence. Donald spoke so succinctly about it, actually someone he had brought up to respect women. Was he really that old-fashioned? Had everything been a misunderstanding because he was an idiot who had only taken care of business during his lifetime instead of such matters?

"And the fact remains that she didn't return my feelings when I confessed them to her..."

With a helpless look he gazed at his nephew. It was new territory for him not to know what was right and what was wrong. Donald's shyness about the subject was relatively indifferent to him at the time.

Oh, help, they were still going to talk about it. Donald awkwardly rubbed the marriage ring on his finger, trying to hint to his Uncle. "Let's just say I have some... experience with it." In other words, he and Lizzy had absolutely "made their affections known" on their wedding night. If anyone knew about women's pleasure it was him. So could they please stop talking about it!

"There's more than one way to let your feelings be known." Donald pointed out after clearing his throat. "You and I both know Magica isn't exactly cuddly or affectionate to anyone, even to her friends and her own brother. Love isn't just saying pretty words... Did it ever occur to you that Magica thought you already knew her feelings? I've never even seen her kiss another man! So maybe her being so... um... 'forward'... was her own way of saying how she felt? And even then... why didn't you just ASK how she felt about you, if you were so unsure?"

Donald's words had the effect of a violent slap in the face.
Something he had desperately needed after forgetting himself in self-pity for a month.
The answer to his question was clear to him but...

He turned his back to Donald and looked out the window.

"You know, nephew, I've experienced a lot in my life and never let the prospect of danger scare me back. I was practically never afraid of anything..."

Slowly, he turned his head back towards him.
"Except of her answer... I was so afraid that she would be negative that I would rather flee than ask..."

He let his head hang in shame.
"And now everything lies in ruins. I simply did everything wrong with Magica, because she is the only person I really care about..."

He looked Donald in the eye "Don't take this the wrong way, nephew! I'm just talking about feelings of this kind, I don't think either one of us wants me to feel that way about you."

A tiny mischievous smile lay on his face, strongly reminiscent of the old Scrooge.

To say that was like a salvation. Suddenly he straightened up to his full size, new courage in his eyes.

"Well, I made several bad mistakes and was a naive, cowardly idiot. I declare that every person in the world is allowed to do this once in a lifetime, even Scrooge de Bourgh. But whatever the result will be, I will now try to put everything back in order."

With gusto he shoved his hand on Donald's shoulder that the latter slumped down a bit. "I thank you for your sincere words nephew. You helped me a lot... I'm sorry if the conversation was a little unpleasant for you. I'm afraid as Lord de Bourgh you don't have many alternatives to discuss such matters."

Actually, he had even more questions on the subject, such as whether there wasn't a way to make it more pleasant for the beloved. But he decided that he only needed to think about it again if Magica would forgive him. Not only that, when she was ready to start all over again.

And if he really had such infinite luck, he would just find out with her. The only person in front of whom he could be completely himself. The fact that his guilty conscience and fear had made him forget.

He slipped on his jacket and put on his hat.
"It's time to pay Glomgold and his "fiancee" a visit, nephew!"

Even if everything was lost, he would not rest until he had at least tried to fix everything. Without a fight he would certainly not leave the love of his life to Glomgold!
Lord Scrooge de Bourgh was back! Braver than before!

And so much wiser and more elucidated to boot...

Donald let out a sigh of relief once Scrooge's back was to him. This had been a very awkward talk, and one Donald hoped to never revisit, but it had been worth it to restore Scrooge to his usual self. He could only hope things would be patched up so easily, but he sincerely doubted it.

"And maybe pick up some anatomy books along the way..." He muttered under his breath.

As luck would have it, Glomgold was at Magica's home today to further discuss the dowry - he intended to bleed the family dry. Fethry was uncomfortable with the whole idea, but Magica's mother was willing to pay any price, foolishly thinking she'd get ten times the income back once the marriage had begun. Magica herself got ill at these discussions and went to her room, needing air.

Suffice to say, nobody was expecting visitors. So when Scrooge and Donald's presence were announced, Magica's mother was quick to greet them, albeit nervously.

"Lord Scrooge de Bourgh! A pleasure, I'm always... I'm afraid we're in the middle of something very delicate, so we don't exactly have time to entertain guests..."

Off in the background, Glomgold was smirking. Was it possible he had some idea about the relationship between Magica and Scrooge - and that's why he was here?

"Don't trouble yourself, madame. I'm just here to congratulate the couple."
He smiled skilfully, nobody but Donald could have said that he was boiling with rage inside. Donald and of course.... Magica, who knew him better than anyone.

Scrooge looked around, "Where is the happy bride? As her former mentor, I would like to congratulate her in particular, of course."

His look struck the mother like a hammer blow.

"I had to hear about the happy event from my nephew, I assume my own invitation was lost...?"

"You have no business here Lord de Bourgh. My bride does not wish to see anyone!" Glomgold now interfered with a mocking look. But Scrooge was not misled.

"Tsts, my dearest Glomgold. This house does not yet belong to you. I came to talk to Lady Magica and so she's the only one who can "ask" me to leave again."

How could this scumbag have managed to get Magica to do it? What was he holding against her? He had to find out.

Donald inched a bit away from Scrooge. His Uncle's temper was infamous, and he didn't want to be in the line of fire.

Magica's mother hesitated before speaking. "She said she wasn't feeling well... You know how it is, every bride gets a little nervous before the big day. She's in her room, getting some rest, and probably doesn't want to be disturbed."

Donald let out a snort - as if something like that would stop Scrooge. "Probably isn't definitely... go ahead, Uncle, I'll keep the family company." In other words, he'd stay back and make sure no one interfered, as best as he could.

His smile was so well trained that even Magicas mother got soft knees at the sight.
"I will pay my respects to the lady. She should decide herself if she receives me".
He nodded Glomgold full of friendliness and disappeared completely relaxed in the direction of Magicas room.

But as soon as he was out of sight, his gaze became serious. He breathed deeply.

What followed was probably the most difficult thing he ever had to cope with in his life.

After he had himself reasonably under control, he knocked on her room door.
"Magica...?" He started a little hesitantly. The bad conscience that he had hidden behind a door in front of her gave him a sting. Just don't give up now.
"Please... I know it's at least a month too late and I don't expect you to ever forgive me..."

Yes, he was willing to accept anything. After all, it was all his fault that things had gone so bad.

"...But I would like to talk to you... I was an idiot..."

He leaned his forehead against the door.

An idiot on so many levels.

A moment of silence passed - it could have felt like an eternity. There was a distant sound of shuffling. Then - slowly, very slowly - the door opened.

Magica was much thinner now, no doubt due to what Donald had said about her lack of an appetite. There were bags under her eyes from restless nights, and the eyes themselves were red from many tears. But she clutched the front of her dress, glaring at him.

"Why are you here?" She asked, her voice angry but tired. "Did you want to warn Sir Glomgold he's not marrying a virgin?" She almost spat the name, full of spite and bitterness.

She wanted to hold Scrooge and be held by him, to return to his mansion and be loved - but she couldn't forgo the pain that easily. She was a proud woman, and couldn't be won over that easily. She too had her own fears, or being hurt again by the man she loved.

He got startled when he saw her. So thin, so exhausted but nevertheless beautiful. And everything was his fault. How he would have loved to just hold her, but he knew that was not an option. Not with a woman like Magica who was as proud and beautiful as an open flame.

His hands twitched as if he wanted to stretch them towards her but he held back.

He couldn't make a better sight than her. He, too, had hardly eaten or slept in the past month and it was only thanks to his professionalism that neither her mother nor Glomgold had noticed.

But he didn't have to hide from Magica. Her words gave him a sting, but she had earned every right to bitterness. Carefully he began to speak again.

"I honestly don't know how to explain everything to you. If you want to hear my words at all. I'm not going to stand in your way if you really want to marry Glomgold..." Over his lips as well, the name only came with disgust.

"Where should I start? From the beginning I had a bad conscience that I felt attracted to you. To you who was my pupil from childhood. But as ashamed as I was of it, as forbidden it seemed to me. I was too weak, I couldn't prevent myself from falling in love with you..."

Neither could he prevent that he would love her forever.

"But it all began with my latent bad conscience..."
He looked into her eyes all the while. It was really time that he was courageous again. He took a break to give her the chance to slam the door in his face if she didn't want to hear anymore.

Magica crossed her arms, and her fingers were tight on her dress. At the mention of marriage, she looked away - there was no love there, no desire. As Scrooge went on, she lightly trembled, as if it was taking all the strength she had not to cry.

"You said you loved me, over and over... the things I've been wanting to hear since I was a little girl... those days in the mansion were the happiest I'd ever been in my whole life. I finally felt like your equal!"

She bit down on her lower lip to make sure no pathetic whimpers would escape. "And just as I gave you everything... you looked at me with disgust, and threw me out like I was some common whore!" She choked the words out, turning her back towards him. She didn't want him to see her cry and break down. She had nothing now, not even her pride.

"Was I really so wrong... to want to share your bed?"

"What?"

Escaped him with complete amazement. No really, WHAT? What was she talking about?

She had it all completely wrong. He had tried to protect her from himself, but instead she thought he had only used her to satisfy his desire. How had his actions done the complete opposite? He swore here and now never to remain silent again when he was unsure of something. Not when it concerned Magica.

"My God Magica, that came across completely wrong... really..."
He couldn't get around telling her about his naivety if he wanted to make it clear to her. He wanted to sink into the ground with shame, but it had to come out.

"I know you always thought as a child that I was practically a source of endless knowledge and experience but in reality..."
He swallowed hard, that was the most unpleasant moment of his life, right now and here...

"Until I met you, other people only interested me when they made a profit for me. I only had business partners, no real friends and there was no one left of my family except Donald... Despite my many journeys and business, I have always led a dark life of loneliness, which only you could enlighten".

Very carefully he put one hand on her shoulder.

"I was all the less interested in physical contact with others until I saw you again at the ball. My dearest and closest confidante who had grown into a beautiful flower..."

His cheeks glowed with shame, good that she turned her back to him.
"To cut a long story short, I had no idea what would happen when... two people unite. You were far ahead of me..."

So, now it was out. If she laughed at him now, it served him right. But at least it would bring her a little joy, he hoped.

Slowly, he turned her around to himself. He hardly dared to touch her, he was so ashamed of everything that had happened.

"I heard you scream, saw that you had pain, that you even bled..." If possible his cheeks flamed even redder after Donald had outright elucidated him, he felt quite ridiculous.

"I thought I was a monster because I did this to you. My guilty conscience, which I had always suppressed, made me completely lose control. All I could think about was protecting you from me. I wanted you to be safe, I honestly believed I did something terrible to you and when you wanted to let it happen a fuse blew completely inside me. My worst fears that you were only giving yourself to me because I was your tutor and savior seemed confirmed..."

In his gaze lay an endless sadness. "So I was ready to let you go forever, never to see you again as long as you were free from me. For you are all that matters to me..."

He had to close his eyes for a moment not to cry.

"I love you Magica. And I did everything wrong because I was too afraid to talk about what I don't understand..."

Magica refused to look at him, sniffling as the story went on. But then her eyes widened. Was he making some awful joke? Or was he really admitting that... he didn't know...?

How was that even possible, at his age? Her body now shook hard with despair and anger, and soon she couldn't contain it anymore. Her feelings which had been kept inside were about to burst.

"You... you... you... you idiot!" She beat her fists against his chest, but they contained no real strength. It was almost like hitting a pillow. She needed a way to vent. "I thought you hated me! You let me think I was a harlot! Idiot! Fool! Moron!" She continued to hit him and insult him as tears rolled down her face, until she collapsed into him, sobbing against his chest.

In that moment she clung to him, not wanting to ever let him go again. "I wanted to be your wife... I wanted to be yours..."

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